I lead a pretty stable, suburban 9-to-5, cranky-middle-aged-male kind of life. Mow the lawn on the weekends, wear my slippers to the gas station, talk back to the news and complain about the neighbor who always BANGS THE DAMN GATE when he comes and goes UPTEEN TIMES A NIGHT.
But I also live distinctly different, simultaneous lives, the inhabitants of which do not know about each other.
In one life, I hang with cigar-chomping outdoor types who fish, hunt, swear and complain about the government.
In another life, I consort with people who ride bikes, spout Latin names for flowers, drive hours in their hybrid cars to look at birds and, well, complain about the government.
Writers, truck drivers, lawyers, factory workers, a surprisingly large number of nurses, students, teachers, retirees; health nuts and fat guys; Catholics, Jews, Methodists, agnostics (an evangelical or two, maybe an atheist in the mix); black, white, Latino, Middle Eastern (mental note: make more Asian friends); hopelessly optimistic and irreparably cynical. From gun racks to sweater vests, my circle of friends and acquaintances covers the range from redneck to erudite.
It’s all one life to me, but it does amuse me to think of a house party where all my Facebook/Twitter/Linkedin friends meet each other for the first time.
(The closest I’ve ever come to such an eclectic gathering was the surprise birthday party my wife threw for me in which members of my extended family mingled with my coworkers in a surreal scene that reminded me of the Country Music Awards.)
I’m sure such a party would go OK. My friends are a polite bunch. And I like to think we could find some common ground.
Most of my friends love the outdoors, to some degree. Some call themselves “environmentalists,” a term that would make others cringe. So, let’s just say we’re all conservationists. Agreed?
The government. OK, we all hate the government, except, of course when the government’s doing what we want it to do, like picking up our trash or saving our lives or giving someone else a ticket. I think if we just talk about “the government” without partisan labels, we’ll be fine.
Abortion? No middle ground there. But why would that come up?
Puppies! Pretty sure all my friends like puppies.
Race? Religion? Racists aren’t welcome in any my lives or my house, and I think all my friends, religious and non-religious, are pretty tolerant grownups. No problems anticipated there.
The beer/wine, carnivore/veg-head factions will self-select and pick neutral corners. No intervention needed on my part.
That just leaves healthcare reform and immigration. Those could be tough. Better steer the Glenn Beck fans to the basement and the Rachel Maddow crowd to the kitchen. The Lou Dobbs folks are on their own. If there’s a Michael Savage fan in the crowd, he can stay out in the yard because nobody will know what the hell he’s talking about, anyway.
OK, I think we can make this work. As long as nobody brings up concealed carry laws or gay marriage, in which case, I’m changing the subject to puppies.