We’ve just learned that Jesus is returning, and you’ll never guess where he’s expected to turn up. That and other news coming up, but first our top story:
Ricky Martin is Gay!
The Puerto Rican pop star made the shocking announcement today on Twitter in both English and Spanish, ending years of speculation that he would choose to come out on Facebook.
Our other top story tonight, the Republican National Committee took a break from railing against fiscal irresponsibility and the erosion of family values to answer questions about expenditures of GOP donor money on luxury hotels, private jets and a West Hollywood club called Voyeur that “features topless dancers wearing horse bridles and other bondage gear while mimicking sex acts.”
When asked about the accusations of lurid behavior and wasteful spending, RNC Chair Michael Steele replied, “Ricky Martin’s gay?”
And now back to our breaking news: Jesus is coming…to a trailer park in southeast Michigan. According to the FBI, nine members of a Christian militia group planned to welcome the Savior by staging violent assaults on police officers, in accordance with biblical teaching.
Turning to politics, a new poll shows that nearly 80 percent of Americans say they are willing to oppose health care reform, immigration reform, financial reform or whatever the hell other kind of reform they have to oppose to get Sen. Michele Bachmann to just stop talking for five minutes. The same poll showed a plurality of Americans are distrustful of a senator who spells Michele with only one “l” but Bachmann with a double “n.” Also, it appears that her ranting about President Obama being born on Pluto and agents of the Census Bureau hiding in her sock drawer are starting to creep people out.
Now in entertainment news, voting began today for the 2010 MTV Movie Awards, as if anyone really cares.
Stormin’ Norman will be back with tomorrow’s forecast, but first, here are your winning lottery numbers.
Welcome back. Turns out our own Norm Cumulus was the lucky winner of tonight’s lottery. Congratulations Normy – $6.29 million is nothing to sneeze at. I’ll bet your forecast is looking up. What can the rest of expect?
You can expect to look it up on weather.com like everyone else, Stu, because I don’t really give a…
Sorry, we’re experiencing a little technical difficulty there. Let’s throw it over to Bart Beerman in the sports center for this week’s edition of the Friday Freakout Live. It’s been a busy night in the sports center where they covered 1,400 high school events, including a remarkable upset in that contest we told you about earlier at the Chester A. Arthur Middle School science fair.
We’ll see you tomorrow.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Thoughts On Turning 46
Forty-six feels a lot like 36, only my knees hurt more.
Pressing decision of the moment: whether to spend $500 on a bicycle.
Long-term dilemma: go back to school or buy a bass boat.
What I realized today: I don’t need this $&#@ anymore. Life’s a year shorter, and here’s one thing I’m not going to waste any more time doing.
What I would most like to have: Nothing comes to mind.
What I would most like to do: Go for a walk on a beach.
What else I realized today: I am really fat, which is why my knees hurt and I want to buy a $500 bike.
What I want to be doing at 56: Everything I’m doing now, only better.
Archive: Thoughts On 35 (10 Years Ago)
Pressing decision of the moment: whether to spend $500 on a bicycle.
Long-term dilemma: go back to school or buy a bass boat.
What I realized today: I don’t need this $&#@ anymore. Life’s a year shorter, and here’s one thing I’m not going to waste any more time doing.
What I would most like to have: Nothing comes to mind.
What I would most like to do: Go for a walk on a beach.
What else I realized today: I am really fat, which is why my knees hurt and I want to buy a $500 bike.
What I want to be doing at 56: Everything I’m doing now, only better.
Archive: Thoughts On 35 (10 Years Ago)
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